I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My pussy is not your playground.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
