apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
