Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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