Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
