I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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