we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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