You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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