When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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