Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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