i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
