put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
