One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
