If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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