Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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