Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mom said you looked used
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
