I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
