somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
