Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
