Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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