; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
