Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
