i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
