Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
