I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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