Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
