So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
