The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
