Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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