in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
