My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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