You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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