and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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