im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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