Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
