I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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