the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
