just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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