Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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