3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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