when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
