see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
