I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Found the puke drawer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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