Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
