Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
3pm strippers are depressing
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
