i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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