I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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