was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
