make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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