Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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