i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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