you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
