I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
