Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
