did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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