if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
