Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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