marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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