You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
