Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
