i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
