Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
