it wasn't lemon gatorade
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
