you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
