Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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