just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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