you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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