break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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